Let’s call Gerry and Theresa’s “divorce” what it really is.

I used to be nonetheless foggy at 8:32 this morning from the push of lunch-making, dishwasher unstacking, and child-to-school shepherding that I do on weeks when my daughter is with me, when my cellphone chimed with a textual content: “Who woulda thought? The Golden Couple already cut up. I didn’t assume they might keep collectively without end however I’d have guessed they’d be too embarrassed to stop so quickly. I forgot; it’s actuality television.”

The incoming was from my buddy and mentor Ann, who had gotten hooked on the Golden Bachelor at Slate’s suggestion (and wrote this nice piece about being 67 and single when the present’s finale aired final November). It took me a second: Who was she speaking about? Ah, Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist, the senior citizen–aged lovebirds who had emerged triumphant on the finish of Gerry’s flip because the septuagenarian Bachelor. Formally donezo. Speak about out of sight, out of thoughts. As Scott Nover wrote in Slate on Friday concerning the finish of the pair’s three-month marriage, “the American consideration span for Gerry and Theresa’s abbreviated love story had ended.”

Nicely, I suppose I’ve a little bit extra room in my private consideration span as a result of I spent many of the day making an attempt to determine why these headlines concerning the Golden Couple’s divorce have been bothering me a lot. Sure, I admit, I adopted the ins and outs of the entire season. I had even discovered peace with their match on the finish. However I discovered their marriage ceremony—broadcast stay on TV—to be each boring and ick. And, as they gave follow-up interviews about their future collectively, I did maintain questioning: Had been these two actually going to maneuver away from their respective grandchildren in Indiana and New Jersey and settle in … Charleston, South Carolina, as they claimed they might?

Now we all know the reply is not any. Per their rehearsed announcement on Good Morning America on Friday morning, they’re splitsville. However I refuse to name it a divorce. At greatest, it’s a “divorce,” the identical means their relationship was a “marriage.” A divorce entails a splitting of belongings. Discussions round household holidays and time spent with youngsters. Selections round who will get how a lot of the retirement funds, or the shared compact automobile. A divorce requires troublesome choices—notably, to finish a wedding! There’s no means Gerry and Theresa had sufficient time collectively to assemble something that requires a divorce as we generally consider it. And even when they needed to have some massive talks about breaking apart—deciding to get divorced can take some {couples} years!—what number of discussions might there have really been? They bought married in January!

Now, it’s attainable they’ll have an argument over that Golden Bachelor cash, however I doubt it. Looks like the sort of factor that was labored out in reams of paperwork with ABC months in the past. Certainly they didn’t have a shared checking account on the time they have been married, in order that they most likely every bought paid through ACH proper into their very own coffers—no stress there!

In case it’s not clear by now, I’m talking from expertise. I’m divorced. And I most likely have probably the greatest divorce tales you’ll ever hear, in that my ex-husband and I are extremely shut, devoted co-parents and without end household. We’ve keys to one another’s homes, and we see one another on a regular basis. Final weekend, our daughter stayed dwelling with my (second) husband whereas I went to see a live performance with my first husband. Are you able to comply with that? It confuses individuals on a regular basis!

Nevertheless it wasn’t simple to get right here. It was onerous, as a result of getting divorced is actually onerous! Even when, like us, you don’t personal a house and issues are comparatively easy, the years of shared life and issues and emotions are onerous to parse. In one of the best case, you’ll be able to find yourself like us. However typically, the ending of a life collectively brings up a lot stuff we attempt to shove behind the proverbial closet that the mess can by no means completely be cleaned up. Each divorced particular person I do know tries their greatest. However there’s a particular sort of lasting disappointment—and infrequently a lot worse—even when issues are as amicable as humanly attainable.

I’m not sorry that Gerry and Theresa can be spared this lasting rubble. However let’s name the top of their “marriage” what it’s: a breakup. They couldn’t resolve on the place to stay, and issues didn’t work out. It could legally be a divorce, but it surely quantities to little greater than a short-lived, damaged engagement.